2025.12.07

hello again! another week flew by. i'm really having a lot of fun creating my webpages. i have so, so many ideas i want to do! one of them is to make this journal look better, lol. i really like that it's the silent hill 3 poem background, but it's kind of hard to read. maybe i want my journal hard to read.. just kidding, for now they've been pretty light-hearted.
if we want to get deep for a second.. i really, really am struggling with remembering stuff. my (ex?-)doctor told me it might be vitamin levels, but then my (also ex-)psychiatrist told me it was probably audhd. when i first wake up, so many ideas flood through my head- for work, webpage, even sim house ideas. but literally from walking from my bed to my computer, i forgot already. i try to write things down but i almost feel defeating having to do that. like i can't remember for 30 seconds? fuck. shout out to the mod "to-dew list" for sdv.
anyways, i just wrote something so long & cringe i deleted it. i don't want to vent today. LOL i'm going to go edit my site some more. i'm learning a lot of new ways to make divs & stuff! i didn't know "auto" width & height could be so powerful.
a short little blurp, i saw fnaf2. that movie was hot garbage. really a reminder that fnaf would've been nothing without the fandom exploding. scott's writing was so, very bad. don't even bother going to see it, go watch a fananimation on youtube or something instead :P
okay! see you later, journal!

2025.11.30

well, yay! i really wanted to make a journal. probably the most important part of my site. so.. here it is so far. fun.. *cough* well now it's awkward because i don't know what to write here. maybe i can talk about why i wanted to make a page?
i've been online for way too much of my life, i was probably no older than 5 when i decided the place i want to be forever.. is in a computer chair. sad, i guess. but as a single child to a single mother.. i didn't really know what else to do. but i found peace with it! i used to make little sites on a place called matmice! rip. it was a very exclusive (mind you, i was a baby) site for kids to design their own websites. at the time, tamagotchis & pixel dollies were all the rage. i'm pretty sure my account was something like "pitbulllover" & i just uploaded horrible print-screens of the dolls i made. i also remember scanning my tamagotchi in an actual fucking pc-scanner. smooshing it against the glass & hoping my tama didn't move too much in the full-ass 30 seconds it took to scan. from then on, i made myself busy with writing about my sim's lives then uploading to the now, very dead, thesims2.com. no custom sites, but lots & lots of writing. when myspace came around, i became an html goddess (lol) & transferred those skills to tumblr as well. though, with layout creators, i will admit i became a little lazier- just found things i liked & plopped them in with minimal editing. fast forward to today.. twitter is a fucking hellscape ran by neo-n*zi's.. ai is everywhere & getting a little too good.. people ragebait constantly for clicks, views, & therefore money. what happened to the internet being a fun place? i loved to scroll through people's geocities, tumblrs, xanga's, myspaces. places that were just a little corner of your own internet, where you can express yourself, vent, find friends & others with the same interests. what the fuck is going on? it's probably time to delete my twitter, but it feels so bad to let people ruin things for you- things you were around for since the beginning. i want to go back to old internet. sure, people were really assholes & disgusting then too, but you could really find a place to hang out & not have to deal with them as much. so, i guess this is why i'm birthing this site. partial nostalgia, but also teach myself a skill & be creative again with html/css. ai is going to rip sitebuilding to shreads, but i've always loved to learn things on the computer. looking at other's neocities has made me so happy lately. actually, the first day i decided to finally build my own site, i spent a long time looking for inspiration & listening to VERY old vocaloid songs, it actually made me cry. (nice to meet you, i'm crybaby.) i don't expect this site to go anywhere, & honestly that's a good thing. sometimes talking to an online void is just what i need.
anyways, nice to see you again, tiny little spot on the world wide web!